Word to your Mother

... or from my mother?

I was in an, 'I hate work' mood (as usual) the other day, and sent my mom an e-mail that contained:

"I need to find a job that revolves around:

• writing whatever I feel like writing about
• knitting scarves
• cold beer
• and peanut m&m's.

Let me know if you have any suggestions as to where I can find a job that fulfills those requirements."

She responded:

"I think you should simply get a job writing little editorials like Erma [Bombeck]. Then, when you are famous you can write books about beer, m&ms, knitting, springsteen and such good stuff."

Ha! ... she makes it sound so easy.

No List Friday

Guilty

Guest Blog and Sex and the City

whoop! whoop! Look for me today over at Life in Pink.

The Sex and the City movie opens tomorrow/ tonight at midnight:

• I detested the show
• both the censored version and the raunchy HBO version
• I detested people who watched the show
• I really could not stand the theme (? is that what you call it?) song
• I scowled at people who were lame enough to have it as their ring tone
• I thought/ think the concept of the show sends a horrible, unrealistic message
• I really cannot stand Samantha
• Carrie is ok because she is a writer
• as time has passed, I have found myself watching the re-runs on t.v.
• I often think, ‘psh, yeah right’/ ‘the bald guy Charlotte is with is really ugly’/ ‘geez, Carrie has some ugly outfits’
• That being said, I cannot wait to see the movie
• While I do still believe that the show is ridiculously unrealistic, I remind myself that it is a fictional show. What is the point of fiction is you only want to see realism?
• I have grown to admire that friendship/ companionship that the girls share
• heck, sometimes I envy it
• Don’t get me wrong, I have friends … girls, guys, nice, good people, people I admire, enriching, attractive, not so attractive
• But — I do not have an inner circle of girls … maybe it only exists on t.v. … but the concept is amazing
• I have high hopes for the movie
• The previews look amazing
• Oh, how do I think the movie is going to turn out?
• — I’m torn between Big dying vs. him just bailing on the wedding … either way we already know who will end up together in the end.

Work Blues

Things that went right at work today:

• nothing
  

90210

So I have a horrible addiction to getting home from work and immediately turning on Beverly Hills 90210. It just so happens that it is on t.v. 5pm - 7pm. To call it entertaining would be an understatement. I mean, check out the quotes I have collected from the show:

• Kelly: Donna, you're such a sucker for a tiara.
  
• Brandon: What's the theme of this party, Steve?
  Steve: Drink 'til you puke ... it's the theme of every frat party.
• Kelly: You're not an artist, you're a whore.
• Clair: Have you ever noticed how incestuous this group of friends is?
  
• Donna: You can sit here and pout, I'm going to get potato salad.

No List Friday

I purchased this last week ... I feel like I am cheating on my Blog.

Don't Feed the Bears

Being that I am not a huge fan of food, and I hate spending money - grocery shopping is not on my radar of fun things to do. Additionally, I always have to go shopping alone, because anyone who has ever gone with me before opts out after the first experience due to the fact that I spend absurd amounts of time comparing prices and getting overly excited about bogo offers and so on. Whatever the case, I have no food at my apartment, and I need/ want the following:

• tomatoes
• Roma tomatoes
• cherry tomatoes
• potatoes
• celery
• bananas
• avocados
• cilantro
• lettuce
• green onions
• misc. (whatever is on sale) fruit for sangria
• cheap wine for sangria
• brews
• orange juice
• lemon juice/ lemons
• mild cheddar cheese
• feta cheese
• olives
• chicken/ beef
• honey wheat bread

Have you been in the sun?

... no, just laying on light bulbs.

I just completed my month long venture to the tanning bed. I have never been to the tanning bed before. It seems like everyone and their mom has gone, and I have abstained. So I put it on my pre-26 list. Anyway, after a month of tanning, (and, I lived on the edge, I did low intensity, high intensity, and stand up) these are my thoughts:

• I went back and forth between feeling like I was a roasting chicken vs. being in a tanning bed is similar to what it would be like if I sat in a microwave.
• I never burned
• I did get substantially browner
• I now have a nice base tan for when I venture out into the sun this summer
• I went to Del Sol Tanning - it was cleaner than I expected, and the ridiculously brown high- schoolers that work there are cheerful and nice ... best of all it was cheap!
• it was challenging for me to sit/ lay still for 10+ minutes
• I squirmed a lot and chewed a lot of gum
• people can be so funny ... like I said, lots and lots of people go tanning, however - it seemed like when people were finished/ leaving, they briskly walked out looking at the ground ... scared to make eye contact or bump into anyone you know. Tanning on the dl ... who knew?
• Within the past few weeks I have gotten several comments about how I must be spending time outside because I'm tan --- my response is to smile awkwardly and walk away.

Canada Smanada

Reasons why Canada is dumb:

• it's cold
• it's North
• people there speak funny
• people there speak wrong i.e. "aboot" v. about
• their health care system is not all it's cracked up to be
• they embrace the French
• ugly noses
• weird people live there in general
• Canadian bacon is poor excuse for bacon
• they eat elk
• Jim Carrey and Cory Haim
• Alanis Morissette
  

The only things Canada is good for are:

• Canadian geese
• Canada Dry Ginger Ale
  

Bring on the Rain

Disclaimer: I never claimed I am not a nerd. Call me crazy, I enjoy hurricanes ... or their names. I don't know what it is exactly -- the alphabetical order, boy/ girl alternating, anticipating how many storms there will be during the given season. Although it is still spring, below are the names for the 2008 season. There is a set of six lists of names --- thus these same names will be used again in 6 years, unless a storm is bad enough to get retired ... a hurricane Hall of Fame of sorts. Below the 2008 names, I gave a shout-out to the retired names.

• Arthur
• Bertha
• Cristobal
• Dolly
• Edouard
• Fay
• Gustav
• Hanna
• Ike
• Josephine
• Kyle
• Laura
• Marco
• Nana
• Omar
• Paloma
• Rene
• Sally
• Teddy
• Vicky
• Wilfred

Retired Hurricane Names:

• Agnes (1972)
• Alicia (1983)
• Allen (1980)
• Allison (2001)
• Andrew (1992)
• Anita (1977)
• Audrey (1957)
• Betsy (1965)
• Beulah (1967)
• Bob (1991)
• Camille (1969)
• Carla (1961)
• Carmen (1974)
• Carol (1954)
• Celia (1970)
• Cesar (1996)
• Charley (2004)
• Cleo (1964)
• Connie (1955)
• David (1979)
• Dennis (2005)
• Diana (1990)
• Diane (1955)
• Donna (1960)
• Dora (1964)
• Edna (1968)
• Elena (1985)
• Eloise (1975)
• Fabian (2003)
• Fifi (1974)
• Flora (1963)
• Floyd (1999)
• Fran (1996)
• Frances (2004)
• Frederic (1979)
• Georges (1998)
• Gilbert (1988)
• Gloria (1985)
• Hattie (1961)
• Hazel (1954)
• Hilda (1964)
• Hortense (1996)
• Hugo (1989)
• Inez (1966)
• Ione (1955)
• Iris (2001)
• Isabel (2003)
• Isidore (2002)
• Ivan (2004)
• Janet (1955)
• Jeanne (2004)
• Joan (1988)
• Juan (2003)
• Katrina (2005)
• Keith (2000)
• Klaus (1990)
• Lenny (1999)
• Lili (2002)
• Luis (1995)
• Marilyn (1995)
• Michelle (2001)
• Mitch (1998)
• Opal (1995)
• Rita (2005)
• Roxanne (1995)
• Stan (2005)
• Wilma (2005)

No List Friday

This magazine is the ish.

Woes of Higher Education

My roommate e-mailed me this a few days ago. I thought it was funny ... and true:

"Liz,
Being hung over and annoyed with "student loan exit counseling", I
made you a list for today:

Reasons to Avoid College

• Student Loan Debt = $48,790
• Countless amounts of stress
• Loss of sleep
• Hassles with roommates
• Paying endless amounts of money for the rest of your life (see above) and not retaining half of what you wasted a quarter of your life in classes to learn"

A Long Way Home

Friday: the plan was to jet out of Fairfax en route to Newport News at around 4:00pm. I was headed home for my sister's graduation from ODU. I should have gotten to Newport News a little after 7:00pm. However, here are the things that went wrong:

• departed Fairfax later than expected
• saw line of cars completely stopped waiting to merge onto I-95 S
• turned on radio - heard: 'there is a 37 mile back-up on I-95 South, avoid if possible
• sat in traffic on Route 1 for what seemed like forever
• once I made it to New Kent County my battery light started flashing
• (I was unaware I had a battery light)
• car shimmied
• lost power steering
• sounded like car was about to explode
• called AAA for a tow truck
• was asked, "are you sure you're not out of gas?"
• never felt more alone or vulnerable in my life
• 7:54 pm - received call that tow truck would arrive in less than 30 minutes
• 8:02 pm - received call that tow truck would arrive 35-40 minutes
• it got dark outside
• and by dark, I mean pitch black
• I called my mom, again, crying ... my mom: "... hold on, I can't hear you, I'm at a bar with your sister eating dinner, and she's about to sing karaoke"
• are you kidding me? I felt like I was on the brink of death on the side of the interstate, alone, in the dark, and they're at a bar (!) having fun (!)
• 8:54 pm - called to check on status of tow truck ... was told, "we see no record of your request, would you like to request a tow truck?"
• 9:15 pm - tow truck arrives
• 10:15 pm - arrived in Newport News

While it did seem absolutely horrible ... I eventually made it home. I wasn't abducted and murdered, no car accidents, not hit on the side of the road, I had my cell phone with me (and charged) ... and my car broke down 45 miles away from home (... as opposed to 100+). When my car quit on me, my mom was the first person I called ... I have no problem with the fact that my mom is still the first person I run to when I'm scared and/ or don't know what to do.

No List Friday

If you were here Monday, you saw my party recap for Holly. The picture I included reminded me of a picture from a couple of summers ago. So I dug it up ... oh my, how times have changed (... or stayed the same?)

Then: Some hot messes at the OAR concert, summer 2005


Now: Slightly more refined, Going Away Bash, spring 2008

Code Red

To continue with yesterdays theme - below find words that I associate with the so-called conservative minded:

• war hawk
• tax cuts
• steak and potatoes (ha! i don't know - it just seemed funny to include)
• morals
• realistic
• W.
• red state
• social reform
• vouchers

and the most recent word they have hijacked:

• patriot/ patriotic

Code Liberal

This is an example of why my friends are awesome: I got this message last night -

"I just thought of a potential blog topic for you. It would be based around the idea of "code words/phrases for liberalism." You could go on a small rant about some of the following things:

• Urban renewal
• Organic food
• "Green" living
• "Biker friendly" streets
• Diversity/apprecitation of other cultures
• Concern for community ("It takes a village")
• Change
• Global climate change
  

Whenever you hear these words/phrases, you know you're hearing from a liberal undercover. These are phrases that have broken into the mainstream vernacular--liberals have tried to convince people that they are agreeable concepts not affiliated with any political philosophy, but who are they fooling? We all know they're codes for liberalism."

I would add the following:

• granola munchers
• Farmers' Market
• advocates of peace
• alternative families
• Obama '08

What a fun game, tomorrow I'll blast conservatives.

Holly's Going to Boston ...

... whoopidy doooo!

A good friend is moving to Boston at the end of the week. Saturday I went down to Richmond for her going away bash. It was awesome. Fun included:

• keg
• keg stands
• hot dogs and good food
• a hot dog fight
• cake fight
• strawberries
• dance party
• Christmas lights
• out of control tikki torches
• a sketchy fire breathing guy
• amazing weather
• a dog that resembled a rat
• makeshift beer pong
• good company
• making fun of UVA kids
• encountering the water proof camera, and seeing it's waterproof capibilites demonstrated by being dropped in beer over and over again
• the cops showed up
• Sunday morning Holl explained, "Guys, the cops showed up, mission accomplished."
• brunch on Sunday

So Holly - enjoy Boston, VA will miss you.

RE: 1 Liners

• Infinite Jest
  
• A Moveable Feast
  
• The Road
• The Bell Jar
  
• A Magical Year of Thinking
  
• Herzog

1 Liners

The relationships I form with books are usually more functional then the ones I forge with guys. That's probably not a good thing. Whatever the case I'm guilty of always judging books by their covers, reading the first sentence, and then reading the last sentence ... before reading the rest of the book. Below are the best first lines written, ever. (name the book, get respect) I'll post the titles tomorrow. Oh, and apparently I am drawn to lines about weather and misery ... that's probably not good, either.

• I am seated in an office, surrounded by heads and bodies.
• Then there was the bad weather.
• When he woke in the woods in the dark and the cold of the night he'd reach out to touch the child sleeping beside him.
• It was a queer, sultry summer, the summer they electrocuted the Rosenbergs, and I didn't know what I was doing in New York.
• Life changes fast Life changes in an instant You sit down to dinner and life as you know it ends.
• If I am out of my mind, it's all right with me, thought Moses Herzog.

No List Friday